After "Total Death" you said that for all intensive purposes the band was finished. Then, you released "Ravishing Grimness". Is this going to be the last album?

No. I don't think so unless I die in a freak hang glider accident or something. We are planning to record another album in the Summer of 2001.

You stopped playing shows due to the bad sound. Why then are your earlier albums produced so badly if you dislike bad sound quality?

We didn't stop because of the bad sound. It might have been the wrong sound but we could never could never get the sound that we had on albums live anyway. The point is that I hate every fucking aspect of playing live. I hate it almost as much as Christianity itself. Waiting backstage, drum sound checks, carrying shit and traveling. It's just too much hassle for me, I ain't cut out for that shit. We have said now that we will tour if we get Newman from Seinfeld on bass and if we can get J.R. from Dallas on rhythm guitar because he is like pure evil. Then we'd tour, but we'd just tour Costa Rica and Eastern Bulgaria or something.

Damn, I was gonna say...if you'll tour the states then I'll try to call Newman from Seinfeld.

(laughs). Sweet!

Being one of the first black metal bands, how do you feel about where black metal has gone since the early days? What are some bands you like and dislike in the scene today?

Zines always want to ask me *making total nerd voice* "Fenriz, what do you think about Dimmu Borgir?" and I get fucking tired of that question so I'm saying Dimmu Borgir, for instance, come from the same background as we do they just do things different. That has something to do with that we started in '87 and developed as a band into technical death metal, knowing how to play our instruments really well, and then we decided to go primitive black metal whilst the other bands had basically started out playing black metal and then progressing from there on while we had already been through the progression shit. Some of the bands that I do dislike, I don't want to mention any names, but it's obvious...bands that listen to Dimmu Borgir and do horrible, horrible versions of that. That sounds pretty wrong to me. Darkthrone belongs in the 80s sort of. The bands I usually like and what we are still listening to for inspiration in Darkthrone is still the same shit in '87 or '91 which is basically Celtic Frost, Hellhammer, Bathory, Sarcofago and people are always forgetting about Mayhem. You can never forget about Mayhem. Newer bands that I like...maybe bands like Gorogorth or Carpathian Forest, more primitive shit. I tend to go against the grain not really by choice, but that's just something that is in my head. That means in like '94 or '95 I started to pick up on thrash and death metal again. One of my favorite albums from this year is the new Angel Corpse.

I never thought about it like that before. You guys progressed from death metal to primitive black metal while the newer bands started out playing black metal and then progressed from there.

Well, we really didn't progress to black metal, we progressed as well as we could play in technical death metal until we just got disillusioned and we just decided to play primitive. It wasn't like we needed all those skills to play black metal. we have been regressive rather than progressive over the last 9 years...so there! (laughs).

In BW&BK you say your drumming is influenced by jazz and funk. Does this play any role in Darkthrone?

No, no. I listen to lots of shit. My record collection is so whacked you wouldn't fucking believe it. Nocturno Culto also listens to really psychedelic techno shit. But the point is, in Darkthrone, I have to state again, we chose in '91 to play primitive black metal and we stick by this. Nothing that we listen to affects the sound of Darkthrone. Nothing. Nodda. I guess we are just doing our own regressive thing, that old school thing. In black metal, I'm so old school that I've been thinking about tattooing myself like from the old New York hardcore sign with the cross and the NYHC, but with me, it'd be OSBM.

What are your views on spirituality and religion?

I believe in ERIC CARTMAN.

That's the type of religion I'd prescribe to. Actually, I just watched the Christmas special last night.

(laughs). Oh yea? You mean the one with Mr. Hanky the christmas poo? (laughs). HOWDY HO!!!!! It fuckin rules man. But usually, I don't really talk about the whole Satanist aspect or my lyrics for that matter because I feel that people should really pick up on the general vibe and grim aesthetics that we have in Darkthrone and work their heads off of that. I love the lyrics on "To Mega Therion" album with Celtic Frost but I would never ask Tom, "What does this line mean?" I'd rather have my own vision. I tend my change my views pretty often. No one can really pin me down, but if I say too much in interviews people will start to think that they can pin me down but that's just bullshit because I'm generally a fucking freak.

Did Nocturno Culto play any guitar on "Under a Funeral Moon" because I think in the liner notes it said he played only played bass.

Oh fuck, I'd have to think about that. Fuck, that was a long time ago. That's a good fuckin question, man (editor's note: I'd like to thank the reader who sent me this question...seems my idea to let the readers ask questions wasn't so bad after all so a big "FUCK YOU" to all that spoke negative about it). That's one for the history books. (laughs). Sweet. I'm really thinking hard now. I can't picture Zephyrous playing both guitars, but he might have done that. I don't remember, but I'm sure that Nocturno Culto would, so you are talking to the wrong guy. But, for me, that doesn't really matter. If it was something like Joe Satriani band or something like that, it would matter but you don't have to be a rocket scientist to play the riffs that we have, what matters is who is doing a few leads, but on the new album we don't even have any leads, we just say "fuck that". We are the least flashiest band in the universe maybe. We want to be sort of The Ramones of black metal.

Do you remember what the last thing Zephyrous played on?

That was probably "Under a Funeral Moon". But the point is that his spirit is still with the band though. I mean, when I make a riff, I sometimes slip into his state of mind, his vibe, sort of play guitar like he would so it doesn't really fucking matter.

You have had problems with labels in the past. How do you like Moonfog?

Moonfog is super duper. It is beautifully set up here. Everything is on time, it's well organized and got the best secretary in the western hemisphere. Super.

How do you feel about your albums being difficult to get ahold of in the States?

Well....for people like me, I like to have easy access. I'm getting too old to track shit down. This sucks that I'm like that and I'm sure other people are like that too. If things are not easy to get, they tend to just let it slip by so I think it should be better distribution. I think we should have better distribution in Springtime or something like that. But it basically sucks. I'm over here trying to find that Nile album, you know that death metal band? I've been checking out a couple places and I can't fucking find it and I'm like on the brink of giving up. That thing sucks.

That's a good album.

I guess it is. I've been reading lots of cool shit about it. I haven't been checking out too well, I'm sure they have it somewhere here but I'm too lazy. I'm listening to metal, by choice, not a lot because I get a lot when I'm out and drinking. I get my metal there. I can't check out everything because I listen to so much weird shit other than that. That's it. I'm fuckin into Bossanova, man.

What side projects are you currently a part of and how would you classify each musically?

Ok, I recently did another Valhalla (editor's note: cant make it out on the tape. any help?) album. We now sound something like old Black Sabbath/Jimi Hendrix stuff. And of course we are trying to do the Eibon project. What sort of music will that be? It will be metal, but not anything specific. Not pure death, pure thrash. We are not going to sound like Dissection you know? I think Dissection is one of the first bands that generally mixed black and death and thrash metal and metal as well so I just call that style "all metal". We are not going to play "all metal" in Eibon, but we are definitely not playing one specific style either as it sounds from the first song we've done because we've done a song now and it's going to be on the Moonfog compilation.

What happened with you and Dodheimsgard?

What happened? I blew up. (laughs). I was sniffing glue at the time. What happened was, I was trying to fit in more time for a girl and it was a crumby rehearsal place. Now, I went up there one day to say "Hey, I'm not going to do this anymore" and when I came up to the rehearsal place, they had another bassist there and they were going to me "We are not going to have you anymore" (laughs). So it was like "ok then". It was no problems and no hard feelings. We were all agreeing that I should not do that anymore but it was fucking great to play it and rehearse in that crumby little rehearsal place and bang my head like a lunatic.

How do you feel about Phil Anselmo hailing Darkthrone so much?

I don't know, man. I'm aware that Pantera is a huge band, but for me, I never followed that band. I didn't follow any sort of metal like that. I was the one, when Sepultura released "Beneath the Remains", going "Oh no, they are losing it, man". I don't really watch tv channels with music videos or read magazines like Kerrang! or Metal Hammer. What I'm trying to say is it wasn't that a big a deal to me. I thought it was a cool thing and I'm flattered now. I think it's cool because people are basically kicking on that around me. I say I'm doing something with Phil Anselmo and they are like "Wow, you finally made it" and that's what I was saying to Ted one time. We were sitting in the car a couple of years ago and I said "Oh my god, I hope we won't end up being the black metal band that Phil Anselmo likes" in the history books. But it's alright though because Phil has the same fucking background as we do. He is totally into the 80's shit. He is maybe a bigger fan of Celtic Frost or Hellhammer than I am and that says a lot. So no problem at all working with him. Maybe people in America see Phil as someone who puts on Biohazard and jumps around his living room. I don't think that, man. He is not from there. He is from the underground metal scene too.

Have you ever heard their album "Power Metal"? It's glam rock.

I never heard that. I've probably heard maybe one Pantera song in my life.

Any plans for Y2K?

Y2K? Oh fuck. Fuck 2000! Fuck the millennium. 1986. That's what they will be celebrating in one year because that was a great year for metal. I don't know what people are making of it. For me, it doesn't mean anything. I see all these bands doing songs in '99 talking about the millennium, I'm so far away from that shit, man. The only thing I'm worried about is having extra water and money and shit. Keeping live lights around in case the power goes off because of computer errors and shit. That's the only thing I have to deal with. I'm not doing nothing special for Y2K.

Thanks for your time. This was the most humorous interview I have ever done and may ever do again.

No problem. It's hard to do humorous interviews with people that cant really speak English because all of your points just fall flat because they don't know the language. The only thing they hear is "evil, church burn, new album, yes, bye, thank you."

It also helps to have a knowledge of South Park.

(laughs). South Park kicks ass!